Posts Tagged ‘miscarriage’

Out of Hiding…

It has been too, too long since I’ve posted.  I have so many excuses why there has been a complete absence of blogging, and to many of my dear friends, I have seemed to have dropped off of the planet.  There is truly only one good reason for this silence.

Now, for those of you who might not know, I suffered through a miscarriage and subsequent D&C this past January.  It was a rough patch for sure, as it came just a couple of months after my father passed away.  The experience left me scared, jobless (a whole other story) and just unsure of myself in general.  The emotional toll was so much worse than I could have ever imagined it might be.  I was unprepared to say the least.  One of the most difficult parts was the untelling.  An example: Douglas and I were married last November and I was 6 weeks along.  We  had planned our reception on March 1st here at our house with a lot of out-of-town guests.  Most everyone there knew that I had been pregnant, and recently miscarried, and there was nothing that produced more anxiety for me during that time than to have a house full of people who knew.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago.  I took a pregnancy test, and it said in bold digital (isn’t that weird?! Digital tests…hmmm…) letters: PREGNANT.  I ran into our bedroom, where our son, Sebastian was already on the bed and handed the stick to my mister.  Who looked at me in disbelief, and i looked right back at him with the same sentiment.  It wasn’t that we hadn’t been planning this, it was that until I heard the heartbeat…I kind of couldn’t let myself believe it.  It would hurt too, too much to have to go through what we went through earlier this year.  More imperatively, I didn’t feel like telling anyone else.  Even my family, or closest friends.

So, until this past Friday, when I had my second prenatal appointment, and they found the heartbeat of the baby, and I heard it with my own two ears!!!!!…I have been in my very own emotional,  physical, and bloggy hidey-hole.  Now that I am officially 11 weeks pregnant, I am ready to start knitting for the little one, wearing maternity pants, thinking about the birth, and trying to remember how to change a diaper!

So many other  things have happened in the time between my last post and this one. My grandfather passed away.  Sebastian started Kindergarten!  My dearest friends have decided to move to Vermont!  My little sister is moving to Chattanooga, TN (choo-choo!).  It’s been an entire year since my father passed away.  I love my mister more and more with each passing moment.  Life is hard.  Life is amazing.  xo, b


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